So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize