Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
did you just send me my own nude
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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