I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
