I just saw a hot homeless man
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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