4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize