he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
