hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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