so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize