i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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