i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
