I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i dont even know how to be here
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
