he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
