worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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