I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
