She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
