Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
