and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
