Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize