At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
