That's when you crack a 10am beer
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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