Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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