So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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