i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
