soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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