I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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