Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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