Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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