I love how my cats smell like pot.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
