I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
