How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
