she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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