I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize