Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
