PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
