I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
