i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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