My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm so fucking centered right now
Please, let me fuck your mom
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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