Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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