Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
