how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
worst night to have a conscience
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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