Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
