well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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