I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
