mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
