i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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