Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
