who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize