Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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