I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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