ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Still dying that you shit outside
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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