He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
