oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize