Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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