There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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