Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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