I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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