have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
