I faked an abortion last night.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
