How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My bed smells like the plague
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