i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize