At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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