He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
