Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
