You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
