I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize