Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
