First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
