so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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