I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
